Inside me
Silhouettes of shadows imitate the feelings
With hope comes a burden
Is it too much for one man to bear alone?

I've been here before

WHY CANT I WRITE ANYMORE EVERYTHING I WRITE IS GARBAGE REHASHING OF WHAT IVE ALREADY SAID.
I think I should just give up.
I can no longer complete anything and my poetry has all become shit...I need to write but it's all already said.


Choking down air, flowing ice
Familiar curse returning to destroy
Is there no escape?
I've been here before,
I didn't want to return

Mirages of hope mirror not reality
Instead, echo the fantasy

Somewhere, there are good people
Hiding, alone, withdrawn from normality
Eleanor needn't have died in vain
Excruciating, the pain of knowing I've already lost
I've been here before,
I never wanted to return

Self-loathing reawakens and opens my eyes
Tears blur the vision but refuse to leave
Even blinking them away, my lungs fail
Stomach and spine slide lower inside
What's left of my heart beats faster
Ready to explode, ready to be gone
Then I close my eyes......
What I see I cannot say.

Time

I'm not alive, it's not a life
A living death, another lie.

Mourning mornings with eyelid tattoos,
Sketches of false desire and hope
Sleeping brings torturous dreams
Inescapable.

Solitude, regrets, a wish for things to change
A brand new past, a whole new life
Subtle joys, a mere curiosity of late
The shadows echo into only themselves,
Black water at the bottom of a well

Time proceeds with unending ebb
Flowing into oceans of misfortune
Waves of pace, constant, no relent
Time gathers a growing garden of weeds
Strangling any remaining will
Pulling it below the deceiving surface
Time exists with or without us

Eternal Darkness

Watching brown eyes lie, I cry.
Within my hidden mind, I die.
Without you in my life, I hide.
My butterflies are burned alive.

Saddest notes of joyless cheer
Fill my ears with midnight clear
Clouded black with soul to match
I've become my deepest fear

The crypt and tomb of bloody grim
A vault of falsity and lies
One wish in life: not be as HIM
One wish for death, compromise.

Crawl through knives, preventing sleep
Brink of lifeless, growing deep
Prisoner in my own mind
Eternal darkness: all I reap.

Two minutes that I can't get back
Water tower before skies go black
One love in Paradise
Another She that took my life

His hidden tears well up inside
While another She sits right beside
She is so near, so far gone away
How hard it is to carry on every day

Sunlight, rusted, fading fast
behind the curtains of our class
with hate and love, and memory
Of my time with her, She with me.

Winter

WINTER

Winter is soon.
Bark becomes exposed,
Leaves red, brown, and gold
Year's first frost strangles the ground

Hardening into dead dirt and ice
Grass decays; the balding hair on an old wizened man
Hibernation, not just for the grizzly
Grizzling bristly browning whiskers
Winter becomes grandfather of death.

Fingers of winter clench at hollow breaths
Children, rosy, bundled in love
Haunted without knowledge, unhaunted by experience
Winter becomes the snowfall, locking life inside
Freezing dead trees shiver with chills
Winter is inside us all.

Decrepit bones no longer hold life
Those under dirt freeze, dusty and foul
Winter swallows us whole, a tomb of frost
Within prison walls, the bustle in malls
People who deny their pasts all interact
Buying material goods to fill holes in themselves
Winter breathes the greed and sorrow

Poison

I bit the poison apple, and now it's too late

No illumination on this now-dark path

I cannot turn around now, it's too late

Her lingering pasts eat me to the point I'm gone

I hide inside my vagrant mind, unaware

I am chasing what was never there

Poisonous, what lies behind the smile

Overload, but not abandoning morality

Acidic eyes burn themselves into memory

Spark ignites inferno within the chasm we've built

Filling to the brim with hidden deceit

Prisoner to spirit of youth, condemned to suffer

It's only for the weak

Make me see, make me believe

Take your poison when you leave

Then you'll understand what it's like to be me.

Say goodbye to the world.

shitty writing.

One more time.
words pull the pin
Detonate the pain
Active again.

Love's song from a siren, serenading
A source of mildewed joy
Tainted by the knowledge
As man forever is cursed

Scars are stars that never made it
Laying dead as if it never were
Reality is a vestibule of death
Only you can change yourself.

She Will Never Understand

She will never understand.
I love the way she smiles at me
Something just fills me, a pail of love
Not one day goes by without me wondering why
I hadn't met my love any sooner

She will never understand:
The depths of my bottomless love for her
The glazed-over gaze of unbridled bliss
Every drop of my love, I pour into each kiss
Just why I feel the world still has hope.

She will never understand,
Before she awoke me, I hid in my broken shell
Every sunrise hovers in anticipation of the present
Every twilight renews stress of the rest of the world
Among it all, I stand proud as her man.

She will never understand.

waking up to a terrible dream.

I woke up early or late
Depending on your point of view
Amazed that I could sleep at all
After hearing what I did
Every man she's lied about
Makes me want to cry and shout
I hardly could sleep but a wink
The man before, he made me think.

If there was a reason, please tell me now
My love is unceasing; I wonder why? How?

Why would my love lie like loves once before
Opening my heart; her lies: steady downpour
Please make this pain all just float far away
My love is disrupted, heartbroken today

Once pleasant feeling now becomes filthy stray
In the shadows of my love, take me away
My sweet scented flower, tell me the truth
So we can get past it while we're still youth
I still want to be with you, I just want the truth



Lie awake, wide with wonder, have I overstepped my grounds?
When I hear that you're false, and my heart starts to pound
My skull gives away, crashes in to the pain
My heart questions whether twill be happy again

the blues...

in the hours of twilight
in the damp, darkened room
beneath the cold moonlight
Shiverings bloom

The young man lies awake with eyes staring blue
The black unending ceiling begins to move
Reading words of pre-dated doom
The young man cries awake with eyes staring blue

If this be my last, let me leave you a note
For my whole dreary life, I've been shunned to the side
Overworn, patched, a scarred tattered coat
Did my time far too long, now I no longer abide.

In memory of dream, I'm released.
In nightmarish scream, i'm the beast.

Why Part II

Echoing chains drape my side
Teardrops within, long been dry
Locked in my mind, wondering why
Why again do I feel this way

Brick barrier, matte white walls,
A solitary pane of invisibility
A means of watching storms arrive
A porthole in the side of eternity

A siren sings me close
I willingly oblige her every word
In the end am I right?

Time is the cruel survivor,
And I, I am its renegade slave.

Memory burns with vigor, salt and vinegar
The trains waking me up, the walk in the storm for
Purple berry ice cream amidst the flashes and crashing thunder

My heart has changed hands too many times,
Each time, another piece is lost.
But for her, I will find all the fragments
And I will let her love make me whole again.

All the pain in this world can't tear us apart,
This love is forever.
The siren is my dream, her songs are our love
Together we're better.

The princess in doubt

I don't know how to begin...
and I don't know the middle...
And the end is not even in sight.
and of course, i apologize, i can write better.
But my mind is still blown.
:)



The second day in a foreign land
Was the first day I thought to hold her hand
In a class of just two; empty, echoes
Brown almonds look at me, wondering
As my cool blue pools reflect the light right back

Flash forward in time, outside in the green
Deer chew happily on verdant loam
She asks me if I want to walk with her
With a grin I stammer a 'sure'
Mounted on two, she on none;
As we part I draw circles with rubber
Thinking of which words to say
When I catch her I mumble
But still give her my number
Hoping her words were to follow in haste

Cramped in the back, packed to the top
The beast of burden roars to life on the highways
But inside, I read what she has to say
My glowing blue screen never leaves me

Another long haul, arriving past midnight
Texting this sweet smell, bid her goodnight
The next day changes history in action

A red pickup truck came to pick me up
Inside, the princess who doubts
A smile wraps itself onto her countenance
And words pour out telling errands
I oblige with a grin, tripping over my words like shoes too big

First is the store, I think of a job
She tells me she has one here too
I grin another time, enamel glazed with joy

Second is the bank, we talk about life
Stories write themselves when pulled apart
A new book is formed but has no title;
Simply a tree with initials in a heart.

Move on to the sunset, I see it with her
Smelling her namesake I keep secret
Laying in bed just talking away
Until I think of just what to say
Words scamper out, jumbled and missed
Apparently she understands.
A giggle she covers, and a yes sneaks out
A kiss seals the deal, our lips a tight seal

Later on I walk her to the truck
At a loss for words, in essence dumbstruck
Let the lips do the talking, wordless to say
An orange moon harvests itself,
With an army of stars to stampede
I hold her hand because I am her man,
The only one she could need.

Memories form, the sadness storm sinks away
I live each day waiting for her words
I promise her this, at least one wordless kiss
Every day until heaven moves on.

imitation poem

Robert Morgan
Squirt gun

[with italic support from me]


The orange see-through plastic makes

Waves in the blue sky, contrasting;

The gun at first appear red-hot.

Warm spectra fill the fields of view

But water in the grip is cool

to the touch, drips on your hands,

And sloshes when you raise to aim.

Squirting the gun is so much fun

The trigger slides the cylinder

Along the barrel, and crystals pour out

And shoots a needle clear as light

A stream of consciousness arises from the tip

Across the porch to break as mist.

From falls Niagra, the springs of life itself

The gun is fun because it shoots

What would most accurately be described as

Clear piss. You point and pee on leaves,

On stems and trunks, on ladybugs,

On ants, on flowers yards away.

Heaven is a pure clean jet of water

You spray the sun and make rainbows

Of schoolchildren already at play

That melt away in the instant rain.

The speed of light and then a few

You sprinkle dust along a step

Much like the mouse right to your left

And scare the cat again and hit

The fat kid in the corner, then full speed towards

A June bug like a Messerschmidt.

Speeding demons speed the reason

And when the gun is almost dry

A tear is formed and you start to cry

You place the barrel between your lips

And flush the tears with fresher juice

And close your eyes and fire a sip.

Who is me

Let my senses fall and fail
Each and every word like hanging fingernails
A notion of love or another wrong turn?
In motions above; how the memories burn

I want to see the truth and not believe it
I want the lies to end and quit the quiet
What's wrong with me that I can't exist alone?
Nowhere I've ever been can I really call my home

I am a guided missile, target locked and signal strong
Frequency is fading fast for it has been too long
My wounds reopen to form gashed scars

Pull me under, take my will, and leave me be
And maybe then I'll find out who is me

Sunny skies soon?

As I sit here staring at the falling raindrops
Cold, hitting the already wet pavement
My heart wanders in wonder for news of love
Thunder ignites lightning in the bruised skies
The world will drown in the sorrowful rains
Until I hear from my girl again.

The endless downpour arrived when you departed
Where and what happened to you I'm lost
Forsaken rain falls to the floor again
My tears form a storm of their own
Lakes and oceans rise with running water
Will I ever hear from her again?

Days melt into nights, no time is left to stay
As night flows through day, all else fades away.

Questions running through my head
Of why my girl would leave me for dead

I know something happened
I know she still cares
I know I'll be waiting
to see love's blue stare.

As I sit here staring at the falling raindrops
Cold, hitting the already wet pavement
My heart wanders in wonder for news of love
Thunder ignites lightning in the bruised skies
The world will drown in the sorrowful rains
Until I hear from my girl again.

sweet silenced side

When you left the rain began
And i'm still waiting for it to end
I wonder where you have been...
I want you in my life again.

My white's all gone black, without you i'm cold
I miss my sweet girl with whom i'll grow old
The times are a-changin is what i've been told
I love my beautiful untouchable.

If its to be our last, I know oceans will pour
They'll follow me even when I lock the door
Sadness and longing are reigning in rain
And I cannot handle much more...

Highway of Life

Begin the day, all is calm.
The sun it shines, luck is in your palm
for tomorrow, the fire, it might be gone
Take the road less traveled upon

Break free from all your doubts.

My mind is torn asunder and the time it grows no younger
dodging traffic in my Viper, at 185.
My mind is torn asunder while the pimping sons of plunder
steal your freedom out from under you and lock it away

The highway of life can be very long
don't drive too fast or you'll miss it all
Don't be a fool; don't risk it all
There's no second chances if you were to fall

Live your life everyday like it'll be your last
And memories now will never come to pass
Live your life everyday like the world is coming to an end
And memories you will not have to defend

My Untouchable

If I send you a message in a bottle,
A hundred billion will wash upon your shore
And then another hundred billion more.
In every bottle, when you pull out the stop
A little piece of paper with writing, rolled up
On every single one, the words:


My heart is now yours
You now own the keys
Try to keep it whole
If only for me, please?

If you return it back
keep a little piece.
Then for your whole life
You'll remember me.



And with these words, the sun was born.
The night began to wane inside, and she smiled.
The dark that threatened now had gone
And all she felt was love

Even with mileage in between, he cares.
Into her crystal blue eyes he stares
Her lovely voice plays again in his head,
He remembers every word she's ever said.

In the time and distance between, a raven calls.
A wolf pack hunts and children flood halls.
People drive, people talk, people live, people fall.
Amongst it all, he loves her with all
She loves him; together: love behind a wall.

Life overlooks the lovers, all is well.
The bottles and messages are all thats left to tell.

Things That Never Were

well, to anyone who reads this...
I know now the pain of inevitability. I know how the leeching grasp of a white rose can allure more than just the eyes. And above all, I know what I want and I know what I'll never have, and it is coincidentally, the same.


Things That Never Were

Let it pass by like a memory in dream
My lonely set of morals makes me want to scream
If I had had more time
Maybe something could have been
But for now I'll cross my heart and wipe the tears off of my chin

The girl of my dreams, it's her; I'm positive, I know it
Why else would all my heart and soul grow saddened at the thought
Rest assured, I'm yours tonight, and in my sleep we'll wander
And we'll hold hands as we cross many lands; in love: there's nothing stronger

I'll sleep tonight and hopefully I'll see my love once more
And waking joyfully I'll be cast down and out the door
For in dreams: I live; in day: I Die; My life is spent for her
A wizened life that's mine to lead, of things that never were.

[Not just another?] Summer Romance

Have you any idea the feelings of frustration
that there is not enough time to be happy?
Less than a month but it will be so much more
But after that we must close the doors
I know at night i'll be laying on the floor
She will pop into my head, and the memories soon to follow
One in particular, watching a movie
The first time I got to be close to her heart.

But, just like the movie, I am going to drown.
I will drown in the fact i won't see her again
I will bury my head from what could've been
If only there was more time...
Then maybe I could make her mine
But for now i will just be her friend
And maybe before it becomes a sad end
We may become closer, our hearts may they mend
Meld into one being, a love pure and strong

But even if it happens, it will be a long time
Time spent away, without her by my side
When I get back i want to open my eyes
And see her in front of me, my hand in hers
Naught but a month for me to make my mark
Forever in memory her name will be scarred
I know what I say must all be a waste
And I know that for me she will not wait
I'm patient as patient can be
I just want to make her happy with me

This beautiful girl just entered my world
And already she holds up the sky
I am going to miss her when I leave
So sweetly she is kind to me
I must not make another mistake
Because hers is the only hand i will take.

May it be a month, or may it be more
I am closing my eyes and opening the door
of my heart so she can step inside and settle in
And a life together we can begin.

Alas, that's never how things they work out
I will be alone again when our time it runs out

I WANT MORE TIME
But it's already over
She will be gone
And I'll be far from her heart.
Things like this they tear me apart.
I know that i shouldn't care but i do
If i had one wish, it would be her that i choose.

Hopefully one day I'll see her again
And this lonely man will be complete once again.

Words of Waste part three

Well here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces by your hands
will it end, if so when
my heart it hurts so bad I cannot stand

and every time you told me
that you loved me how you lied
After all I did for you
you still stabbed me in the side
with words of waste you infiltrate
the complex of my mind
I cannot take much more of this
I think I'm out of time

Trapped In My Head Part Three

well, here I am, once again
locked inside my mind without a key
everyday I talk less and less
everyday I think more and more
I'm trapped in my head behind a bolted door
my silence is deceiving,
for behind these eyes lie the mind of a genius
one who resides in himself
who believes in no one else
determined to be better than everyone else
but I have a weakness...

Is it worth it to fall?
Because I'm already plummeting from high heights
only on her have I got my sights
I know it may be wrong but I've only got so long
I want to be with her every night of my life.

Familiar Company

Familiar Company

These tears I cry fall like raindrops on the pavement
I'm wondering, why the treatment, deny my right to be
Abandoned here I'm without hope
And forgotten here I'll lie alone
In familiar company, accompanied by the symphony
A hundred thousand nights I've cried alone

I need to leave before my shadow creeps on me
sucking all my life away, my long-lost joy is diseased
What's it gonna matter once I'm dead and gone
There won't be anyone left to play this lonely man's song

Once again, the Neverwas appears,
Just to rake his ingrained claws against my heart
And then the bell it tolls for I'm finished playing the part
Wondering how I even got here with such an awful start

I'm just trying to think; where did I go wrong
It must have been long.... long, long ago
I'm back again in the old song and dance
It feels dusty and rusted after a term of unuse

These tears I cry fall like raindrops on the pavement
I'm wondering, why the treatment, deny my right to be
Abandoned here I'm without hope
And forgotten here I'll lie alone
In familiar company, accompanied by the symphony
A hundred thousand nights I've cried alone

The Lonely Man

The Lonely Man


Happy times, sad times, more of the latter
Life goes on, come on, what's the matter
No one to love?
No one to hold in your arms?
There's gotta be someone for him in this world.
Secluded living, like oyster and pearl
He wants you, he needs you.
He's trying to show it, but you don't notice

There's no use trying to lie
Because anything that he tries
Gets thrown down the drain.
All that is done is done in vain,
His life begins and ends in pain
Because nowhere on Earth is there anything to gain

There he is, he's lying to those that he loves
It's killing him, filling him with emotion enough
The end is near, that he fears, dreading what lies ahead
Running away from problems that can't be solved
Many times in his life he is thrown at the wall
These thoughts are confusing him; messing with his head
The wall is now blood-red.
He wants to be dead.

There's no use trying to lie
Because anything that he tries
Gets thrown down the drain.
All that is done is done in vain,
His life begins and ends in pain
Because nowhere on Earth is there anything to gain

Shamefulness, faithlessness, loneliness
Hatefulness, friendshipless, no happiness
He has to live and carry on, as hard as it is
Lying to everyone, it can't be stopped.
Emotions inside of him, ready to pop
Breaking his heart, tearing him apart
Boom it bursts, Pandora's box,
It cannot be stopped...

There's no use trying to lie
Because anything that he tries
Gets thrown down the drain.
All that is done is done in vain,
His life begins and ends in pain
Because nowhere on Earth is there anything to gain

Did any of it mean anything to you?
He thought that maybe it could turn into
More than friends, his girlfriend, it should have been you
You lie, cheat, steal; he cannot see
Inside his mind, he thinks "It's over for me."
Death visited the poor, hurt man in a rainy midnight street.
This sad, grey, dreary story is finally complete
Now he's lying somewhere, buried under six feet


There's no use trying to lie
Because anything that he tries
Gets thrown down the drain.
All that is done is done in vain,
His life begins and ends in pain
Because nowhere on Earth is there anything to gain

In the Forever Gaze of Better Yesterdays

In the Forever Gaze of Better Yesterdays



Just deceive me, I'll believe your lies
I'm receiving, while receding to a quiet place
I can't conceive just why you did this to me
I'll forever wonder why you shattered my dreams

In darkness, hallowed, under moon
The scared little boy crying in his room
The lovers lay upon sand dunes
And the crickets weave songs across the loom

While I am left, this night is blue
I remember all the words I've ever said to you
And the emptiness builds inside
Its a blackness that I mostly hide

Every little letter you wrote to me
Each and every single note to me
Every simple word and phrase I read
It brings me back to you
But I know you're not there
And although I can't accept it
I know I'll always care




When I said I love you, I meant it.
When I said forever, it's true.
Even if you never believe me
I'll always be here loving you

Irreconcilable; Time After Gone

Irreconcilable; Time After Gone

If I could keep time in a bottle
would I ever free the stop?
Could I never drink its cold nectar?
Should I lock it away and toss out the key?

The invisible infinity that we pass through
draws lines upon every countenance
summoning up the resistance to death
all must march when led away
jagged crags and peaks are slowly faded out
until sand and water remain alone
elusive, the nighthawk in the treetops
watching all with obsidian eyes
the disguise of age yet one more vice

the carpeted floor gives rise to many roots
which then mature into trees
the all-seeing wonder sees this cycle repeat.
As night flows through day,
all else fades away.

A requested ambition, unrequited in awe
the ticking millennia seem to drain
the leech-like grip of worldly love
makes time just a meaningless game

the road that is walked upon
is the only way to go
off the beaten path lay dusty ruins
and farther still; the once-and-never kings
existing only as shadows in silence

after the bright flash, all is gone
an epic inferno from whence no escape
the war-ravaged mire remains
but the passing of seasons
gives rise to new meanings
which nothing exists to pass on.

Keep time in a bottle, for we won't last forever
the effects of all are all that linger.

A Rose For Breanna

A Rose for Breanna

Time to raise this setting sun
for under new moons the pain returns
crumbled away, the empires of
the former yesterday
All rivers run red with blood

Shattered souls roaming the broken world
Drifting on the forgotten seas
Ignorance: the call for all to follow
With those four words you tear my heart apart
The world I've lived in may soon be gone.

Solely For You

Solely For You

Let me give in to the cause
If only to make her happy
I can't stop what I've felt
even though I know now what I do
my heart still beats solely for you

it was just too perfect
I thought it was meant to be
but then some hard times crashed
and made me think she'd stopped
the person I care for most
made me think she'd become a ghost
I knew I'd never love again.

My heart still beats solely for you.

Age is but a number, not remembered
my love is to you, forever and beyond.

Trapped In My Head Part Two

Trapped In My Head Part Two

Why don't you take a look inside?
And see the prison of flesh
that surrounds on all sides
[I'm] just another broken man
with nowhere else to run

Why don't you take a look around?
My vision's all are black, with
the visions of hope that I lack.
Behind the gates of eyelids
lie a tortured soul in dream
...the scarring dream of scares
scarcely room to move or breathe
and NO way escaping sounds.

One For Her

One For Her

I'm so in love with you
I can't hide it
I grin from class to class
on the outside
Inside you make me smile
Because your love is so worthwhile
Day after day after day
I'm with you, right beside.

The Driest Rains

The Driest Rains

Will the sun come out on a rainy day
The clouds overhead won't surrender
I can tell you. But
You don't want to hear.
And I'm not ready to admit to myself
That the rivers ran dry too long ago
All the trees and flowers, gone
Where is all this rain after it hits?
Taunt and lie, but I'll never know.

Behind Closed Doors

Behind Closed Doors

Condemning, the single thoughts of damnation
Unending, the living caught off guard
Stretch the story and cover loose ends
Pick the pieces up, put them in the hollow
Where you'll find me, sunk in sorrow

Essence of depression, haunt me as I roam
papers rustle as winds blow them down
the alley as a fox, come to life in all dark
Only the rain keeps time bent on its knees
March through halls like slaves in a cage
Am I lying or are these what's happening in me
The loudest screams are locked inside, beyond closed doors

I Happened By A Park [Murder pt. 1]

I Happened By A Park [Murder pt. 1]

If in life what may be comes to pass
Then in dreams what may pass comes to be
In the night what's unseen, over grass
Silence screams but they last underneath

Theres a hole in the wall at the bottom of the well
and the time ticks by as the water grows still
a new body comes to find it; only one man chose to hide it
lonely murder shuts it blind eyes til the well is filled

Rewind

Rewind

If I could take back; undo;
Every single thing I've said
Knowing what I've said has done
Saying what's been left unsung

If I could change the faces
Turn back time, rewind
The day sits hidden behind me
Inside see how dark I really am

Far greater than the weight of all my words
Lies the guilt and consequence of those left unsaid

If I could burn the ashes
To show I never cared
Seeing in the aftermath
Your love was never there

Drowning, pt. 2

Drowning, pt. 2

These needles pierce my heart
again, again,
hollow shell that I've become
show the world that doesn't care
show them one more time

Just another teen
lost in love's icy waters
trying to resist drowning
by the forceful weights of depression

Sitting Here

Sitting Here

I'm sitting here all alone
just waiting for a ring on my broken phone
I'm sitting here all alone
it's the only thing that I've ever known

I wake up, go to hell, and come home
drop one off, beat one out, check it out
come alive inside of me the pain
can't exist without my crutch of hate
see two ways all things all by myself
Numb with the lies of nightmarish truths
forgotten by all whom I'll always remember

Dust I Grow

why do i even care?
i mean... it's not like...
i dont know
nevermind
stuck in my head
transmit through the telephone

it always comes around
to the questions in mind
what have you done girl
in so little time

i have no hope for me
or you or me and you
i will abandon it, and
take all the troubles outta my mind
my clinching grasp on you
the steel weakens me
i have not entered yet
close that cold door and come inside
deceit lies just behind
the plated door in mind

single rusting, dust i grow
follow me down and see the show
i dance alone, and sing solo
single rusting, dust i grow

single rusting, dust i grow
leaves are rustling, witness knows
follow me through falling snow
single rusting, dust i grow

Not Her

Not Her

Get your filthy hands off of her
I don't care what you say
she's mine, and it will NOT happen to her
you won't take her innocence away

If you try, it will be the last thing you do
My fists will fly, the unbridled rage I'll let go
and your face will contort, the blood will distort
I'll be the headlining news on the evening report
but I won't be depicted a champion; a killer still
Prison would be a small price to pay for her safety

DO NOT TEMPT WHAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL

What makes you think you have the right?
who said that this is okay?
you motherfuckers better run away fast
I'm hard on your heels, and
I have yet to get my second wind

I feel the screams, I'm shaking with fury
Infuriated says far too little
Leave my girl alone and grow up
Walk in shoes your own size
leave the work for the men

Her white heart will not be tainted black
You will not make it bleed red either
Just stay away, and it will be fine.

Lonely Man's Dream

Lonely Man's Dream

It's not so much the distance
as it is the disregard, my already broken heart
I see the worst of a situation, it's all my fault

I want to run away, escape the hate
Face my fate before I suffocate

I CAN TELL YOU NOW SHE'S NOT THE ONE.

Feel the pulsing beats pass through your empty chest
the welling of nothing inside, the sinking is filling
You should be the one, not me, to run away
...but I always am the one to stay behind, remain in red
Concede yourself to the poison apple's grip on sanity
and release all the rage into a fiery sun of burning hate
Your apocalypse is self-driven, mind seeping numbness
Love's leeching grip, so cold on my searing heart
escape from myself and everyone else: my desire
One day I will fulfill the lonely man's dream.

Blood and Bone

Blood and Bone

Deliver me to the door
open it for me,
And watch as I fall through the threshold
the red drops mingle with the clear
and the white mixes with the silver
into a colorful concoction, a cocktail of endings
Sending me into the cold steel drawer where I belong.

the bastard lying on the floor
he can't move, or even breathe
that bastard here is me
Without a thought or pulse
Cold fingers grasping my killer
So apparent now, everyone can can see
But no one will.

I could lay here for weeks before someone found me
Stay here turned oblique, a mangled mess of blood, gore, and bone
A harmful transition into a contorted position, leave me alone
I have no home.

She, part III

She, part III

All the way,
Distance equals suffering
This worlds just too much for me
Witness wake through rising steam
And see you here in front of me
But the happiness is just a dream
Welcome to reality
She's the only thing I need
But She's so far away from me

circumstances rely on truth
lies may be made
I know I have not and will not
maybe this time I'll escape unscathed

The fires and lathes from within
threaten to consume me to win
but I will persevere and I won't back down
All for this girl from out of town

Cerulean Deep

Cerulean Deep

Ponder the loves once remembered

plunder the empty skies

wander the road less traveled

wonder how can pictures lie

the words I heard you say

are now awash these sands of sounds

tomorrow never brings the sunny skies you promised

today it will rain, and the day before that

mystery dwells; my world is cerulean deep

a titan is climbing to the waves which we fly through

though I hear

voices, fragments of a teenage dream

locked into summer, the heat has been rising

the passion of flesh dawned into the dusk

with the mammoth of burden behind

bobbing in the blue above,

blue all around

im floating in it

no sense of direction

pretense of reflection

motion a victimless crime

the cerulean deep makes me fall to my knees

whilst the rest of the world passes by

much longer I'm captive?

far stronger: the rapture

of blue from the dark bruised skies

flood waters burst forth and pour out eternal blue

the rainfall the call of the infertile truth

the purity amassed in the basin of lies

trickles into the hearts and the minds

corrupting the gentle and beating the right

this poisonous chasm filled with macabre delight

and the rains flow forth, fill full cerulean deep

precipice of acid, rolling black whilst it sleeps

always with the buses....

Everything began on a bus. My life changed after I saw this girl on the bus. Always, always, a girl is what changes my life.

As far back as I can remember, I have liked girls. I can't say the same for them in regards to me, however. The relationships with women in my life have always been some of the more brutal experiences I have endured. The girl from the bus is the first volume in an ever-growing chronicle of loves in my life. The first volume was what really set me up for a sequel. The first volume is full of longing, love, and an abusive relationship. Also inside are those feeling of failure and regret, disappointment and hopelessness. The first volume considered the lack of a relationship, to be precise.

Brittany, she is a top notch beauty queen with no awards. Only an abusive relationship with nowhere to turn. She is the first volume. I met her in my freshmen American government course. My teacher moved me to right next to the door, and subsequently I was placed next to Brittany. Before the bus. Before all the tales of woe to come after, there was Brittany. She was amazing. The day I was moved to sit right next to her, we became friends. We talked about the little things. Every little thing. I found out a lot about her, and she began to confide things in me. Small stuff, nothing deep and dark. After a couple months, I had grown to really like this girl. We talked on the phone, we hung out a few times. The bond was growing stronger every day. But of course, my luck dictates that this cannot last.

Every phone call began to get me in trouble. Seeing as how I was a rebellious teenager, I did not care. Besides, I was doing it for her. I was sacrificing myself to be with the girl I was falling for. Again, my luck could not hold up. I knew she was a playful and flirtatious girl, but I thought to myself I was different to her; I was something special. But the truth came to me in a visual in those traffic-clogged, inescapable, and often violent passing periods at my high school. I typically went to meet her at her locker to say hello. But I could tell that that day was different in some way. I just couldn't pick up on what exactly it was. It was a nagging, bothering sort of feeling that I got from not being able to figure out what exactly it was. When I was close to her locker, I saw her holding hands with a guy I had never seen. I turned around before I got there, for I was jealous beyond belief. Beyond words. I was green with envy past the brink of insanity.

I must say that there was a little luck on my side, because it was only a few days until summer break. I had in essence stopped all contact with her. I did feel bad, but I still think she deserved it for not even telling me about him. After all the conversations we had had, it should have come up that she liked this guy more than me. In fact, this guy, Marcus, was to appear later on in the first volume. And as an antagonist again, at that.

Well, needless to say, she was not exactly enthralled with me after that. Communication was thrown into a standstill. It was as if a rift had fractured between us. When school began for our sophomore year, it seemed like there were only two paths our 'relationship' could follow: a fight, or ignoring the other party in an effort to try and overwrite the past. With unbridled coldness, I began an all out campaign of ignorance and seemingly angered incarnations towards her.

This long and treacherous path that I had begun to follow was leading me into the circles of regret and disappointment. I remember going to sleep every night and thinking of how I could fix what I had done, how I could hammer the loose nail back into place. But in dreams, all things are precise. I could only go through the motions of what I could do in my dreams, and never actually do such in the waking hours. When I did wake up, I almost always felt a pang of regret in my chest and my heart skipped a beat. The bus rides, to and from school, were pretty intimidating, because she got off at my bus stop and walked up my street. And we had always sat next to each other before. This path I had chosen was becoming far too intense for me and I wanted to go back to the fork and start over or find a way back to where I knew it was safe.

This lasted the entire sophomore year, without us talking once. Actually, we did. But just once. And it was during yearbook signing. That is, in all reality, the moment that brought us closer together again. All the scenarios I had dreamt, all of the possible outcomes I had visualized; this was none of them. It was much more simple. It began with a hello. She had forgiven me. But she had not forgotten.

As we signed yearbooks, I could see a smile slip across her face, followed fast by a frown. The frown turned into a smirk, and the smirk into a laugh, for as we signed, I slipped right back into my old ways with her of joking, laughter, and happiness. The bus ride home that day is one of the best I have ever had. It definitely ranks among the top five of my life. We talked, and I found out she was having problems with Marcus. I also learned she had become less flirtatious, making her more attractive.

I didn't know that she lived only a few houses up from me, only that she had always walked up my street in order to get to her house. That day, the day of the yearbook, she asked if I wanted to hang out with her. Me being who I am, I said sure.

We began to walk up to my house, and as I turned in to my driveway, she kept walking. I asked her something along the lines of 'didn't you want to hang out?'. She said yes, and kept walking up the hill. I decided to follow her, but I was confused. We had always met at my house and decided what to do or where to go from there. Today was different, however. I guessed we were going to go to her house, for the first time.

It was not far from my house, just up the hill and four houses to the left. I wondered why she had never said anything to me before about living so close. That didn't even matter. I don't even remember what we did, but I remember that I was happy yet regretful. I wished I had done this sooner. But at the same time, I questioned if her and Marcus were still together. The answer I was about to hear was the answer I feared. The best guess was the answer of yes, that is what I did not want to hear. I decided to get past it. After all, we had signed yearbooks, that is like a high-school binding ritual. So I became her friend again.

School let out, and the summer was one of supreme intensity. I hung out with her quite a few times, but I was heavy into my band I was in at the time. I went over to jam almost every day, and that was my life. Brittany was only a side project I had going.

At the end of the summer, I was kicked out of that band. I took it as a huge personal blow. I fell back hard onto spending more time with Brittany. Marcus began to dislike me with greater and greater passion, with the will of a vicious wounded animal. But I did not care. I had fallen for her again.

With the school session already a couple months in, we started hanging out every day. It was like before, but this time she knew that I cared. She knew how much I cared. Or if she didn't, she showed what someone would show if they thought someone cared that much for them. I did respect, with utmost grudge, her and Marcus's relationship. Said relationship was growing more feeble and abusive as time went on. He was also unfaithful and she knew it. She cried quite a bit, but she loved him and wanted to make him happy. She offered herself fully to him anytime he wanted. He took advantage of her need to satisfy him without question.

She cried many times a day now. I was there for her, being her best friend. I would come over, even without her asking, just to be with her and to help her get through things. I got to know her mom and brother quite well. To cheer her up, we would watch “The Wedding Singer” when she started crying, and I would cuddle with her to keep her safe from what the picture showed her about real life. That became 'our' movie. I began to view myself as Robbie Hart, the main character, who falls in love with Julia. But the problem was that Glenn was going to marry her. He was not a great guy. It seemed to be a Hollywood interpretation of my situation, almost precisely. I took it upon myself to learn how to play and sing the song from the end of it, for future use possibly.

The bus rides were something I looked forward to every day. But Marcus had gotten a car for his birthday, so he started to give her rides. The bus was no longer a means of 'us' time. At least we still had my afterschool visits where I could get my hopes up. As the weather started to cool off, so did my patience. I had witnessed so many times the fights and breakups between them; I had witnessed the getting-back-together phone calls. I had seen it all. My thoughts and dreams of being with her with Marcus out of the picture were beginning to fade into blackness. I also started writing poetry pretty heavily, and fell into a deeper state of depression.

Frustration and depression began to take hold of me. The love I had for her was so strong in my heart that I had no idea what I would do if I never got to be with her. The last time I was at her house, I brought my guitar in a last attempt to win her to my side. I had brought it before, but only to show her how to play a few things, so she didn't think much of it. I told her that I love her, which she already knew, and I know I will probably never be with her, but I have to try anyway, because she deserves better than the abusive relationship she has. So I told her to sit down, while I played her a song. The first chord struck her ears and tears welled in her eyes.

“I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

Ill get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

Ill miss you

Ill kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Ill need you

Ill feed you

Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you”

-Adam Sandler

At the end, she was sobbing uncontrollably. I knew what was to come next. She told me she loved me very much, but Marcus still had her heart. She apologized more times than there are grains of sand on a beach that day. Marcus came over later and, as usual, abused her. I was done with it. She knew I wouldn't do that kind of thing to her ever, because I respect her too much. I told her I will always be here for you, as a friend or anything else. We have drifted apart ever since that, to the point of communication maybe once a month. We never hang out anymore; also she moved. To this day, I wait for the day when she talks to me again, wanting me back as her best friend or better yet: her boyfriend. Now I write poetry with inspiration I hadn't known before, about the situations I have been in. And it always comes back to the bus. The next semester, I met a girl on the bus I fell in love with. But that is another whole story in itself.

Governmental Corruption

semi-pertaining replies of mine to someone ignorant of hidden truths.

sometimes i do get a bit excessive, but its all good.

I have to disagree with the statement about the government. Our government is extremely powerful and influential, yes, but it is something of a joke when you analyze it in depth without a bias of superiority. The corruption among leaders, both in shadow and view, is a strong force with which many people have been 'sacrificed'. No, I am not ranting about the Bush Administration. The entire government is an outdated mediocracy that hides from public eyes those very facets of life American[USA American] citizens take for granted. The real system that has fallen in place relies triply on: a worldwide fraudulent economic procedure, a false pretense of power and military might, and a society where arrogance, hubris, 'racism', and many other things are controlled while being undetected. It is a lie that we, as humans need exposed, not just here but all around the world. Society itself, in idea, is a corrupt manifest that occupies the entire mental state, and forces limitations on ALL. Freedom? A lie. Liberty? A cruel practical joke meant to enslave the vast majority who are caught unawares, who are caught up in those mindless tasks that assault the very notion of free will. I am sorry, but the simple truth is that humans corrupt each other; therefore, society itself is an immoral institution.

You don't understand what i am trying to say. I am not knocking on individual governments. I am saying ALL government is bad, in fact all social interaction is. Because humans corrupt each other, because humans are essentially an intelligent parasite, they[us] should be removed from any posts of command and any and all ideas of nature being inferior ought to be banished. The very idea of a government is to rule the people. To keep them happy and in harmony as a society. But because of the chemical processes and expanded brain function we humans possess, we are 'social' beasts. More like parasites. And what do we do with parasites? We remove them. Humans should not be so arrogant and cocky as to even think they can organize themselves in order to fully and more completely unify ourselves. Unification is not a possibility. We have ingrained hatreds towards others, and this causes devastation to nature and governments further this cause. Intergovernmental relations are rarely peaceful, and when they are, they are usually that way due to harvesting of Earth's resources. We are destroying the only planet we occupy, and we think we own it. Again, governments further press this idea into us that humans are more important. Humans are an animal just like any other. We need to understand that. Our intelligence is dangerous. A smart leech would be a scary thought wouldn't it? That is all we are. Americans are some of the most hubristic specimens on the planet as well. We consume so many of Earth's resources it is not even funny. The government doesn't see anything wrong with this. They brand any opposition to this concept 'hippies' or some other derogatory term in order to destroy them socially. Humans corrupting humans.

It Is Your.........Desssstiny

“Do you believe in fate Neo?”

“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life!” -Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix

As a member of the human race, I believe we have evolved to our current state through sheer logical reasoning and creativity by intellectual individuals and social skills on behalf of those unlike aforementioned. I in NO way believe there is a destiny or fate for humanity, let alone for individuals in society. My reasoning upon this matter rests solely on the basis that if we are here for a purpose, who/what gave us this purpose? What could that purpose possibly be, if any? I am a strictly logical being who rationalizes everything I encounter. Nowhere in my experience have I found a single scrap of evidence with reference to a destiny for humanity that can be logically reasoned into a valid basis without bias. I do, however, believe that humans have been corrupted by themselves through such institutions as governments, religions, and economies. These lead to a false pretense of fate, which I am adamant in my stand that it is a mere falsity bred into our hearts and minds and taught as correct, with no opposition [to the core beliefs of society]. Every person you meet, with rarest exception, will stand firm in their credo, never realizing that they are slaves to the derailing triumvirate that they regard with highest importance. They never stop to think about the purposes of this apparently incorporeal machine of corruption; instead, they see the overlying principles designed to 'guide' them. They never see the underground motives of the select quasi-elite, they only see what they have been taught to see. Very few leave the room they are born into, let alone explore the big house, and of those few who wander the halls, even less leave the house and see outside. Those who manage to leave see the monotony and civil slavery that resides within. They never want to return, unless it is in an attempt to free the minds of those trapped inside. No one who has left has ever succeeded, which is another reason I have ill-resolute feelings towards the concept of fate, because if fate was real, there would be someone to show those who are perpetually in that room that more lies beyond the surrounding walls. Fate is not reality. Destiny is not reality. The room housing the perpetual machine of deceit is the only reality.

Echoes Part 2

It seems that even the sky is in on it
everywhere I look I see faces turned away
the avoiding glare that stares, or are they just scared?

There once was a time when I didn't care
long long ago, when love was a reality
and not just a dream inside of me

My port in stormy seas, you sheltered me
then with haunting treachery, you abandoned me
turning the voyage into travesty, the new reality
guilty in my mind, I feel I've been left behind
I feel I have wasted all my time

Words of Waste pt. 2

Words of Waste pt. 2

You seem to plague my memory
with unrelenting fantasies
flying free with haunted dreams
and feeding off a million screams

you lurk within the darkest hole
and pull the nearest pawn
you leech away from everyone
til all is said and gone

shrapnel bombs of words are tossed
and explode across until all is lost
down and down this rabbit hole
see how far and dark it grows
where worms and earth wont even go

ten thousand times across the wall
those bloodstained words of waste you call
hypocrisy, now this time the ball will fall
i'll pick it up and toss it back
when it hits your mind will crack
the gory test writes glory best
transcend core belief with evil unrest

The Derailing Triumvirate

This is really starting to frustrate me. No matter how hard I try, they just can't see they have been lied to, cheated, bamboozled. All of society has been. And it is nothing new. It has been happening for thousands of years. Select individuals have kept the power. Why? Control. People have become so controlled by religions, governments, money/economy.... Religion is the biggest, most powerful, but it all works into a triumvirate of power and manipulation. The religions dictate and offer people a false sense of hope and the promise of an 'afterlife', as well as installing 'morals' into people's minds. People have been brainwashed for so long it has seeped into their very core. They can not even think for themselves. When they do, that is where governments come in in this triangle of power. They subdue anyone with any sort of idea that can change humanity back to where it should be. They also have a means of control by making laws and encroaching upon individuals' ''rights'', and this has been growing stricter ever since the induction of Legalist views from China. These laws prevent people from getting any 'ideas'. Oh, some people may argue 'what about revolutions?'. Nothing changes during revolutions. Behind the scenes, people are still operating in this triumvirate; regardless of outside circumstance. The governments, in coordination with religious tenets and 'understanding/tolerance' of religions, have given birth to economies. The root of economies is a monetary value system. Evil? To the public's untrained eyes, no, of course not. In actuality, it is the third arm of this freak that corrupts humanity. People base everything around money, what something 'costs', and greed manifests itself through human indulgence.
How can it change? That is a good question. The first step is the waking of the masses to this reality that lies behind the giant curtain that has been pulled in front of their eyes. After that, well, we'll see when it happens. But it wont because this tripartite system has grown too strong. Too 'reliable'. People avoid change; it upsets them. This is another facet of society that is preyed upon by this three-toothed monster. Change is bad, as taught by those in power. Security is essential. Taught by those in power. You have to open your eyes, only then may you begin to see the truth.

Why ghosts are false/ more political philosophy

Ghosts are a nonexistent compilation entity that have been warped and lost from their original status due to capitalism and modern society. Everywhere on the Internet and television are stories of ghosts and individuals' experiences with them. There is even a show called Ghost Hunters dedicated to finding 'ghosts'. This is just not something that is real. The only scientific proof of their existence is the visual proof and the fact they can't be DISproven. As Aristotle once reasoned, “How can you trust your senses, if they deceive you all the time? Logic is the only logical means of reasoning for the truth.” I am a man of logic and logic only, therefore the idea of ghosts is simply absurd. To be blunt, it is just another systematic means of subduing the masses through use of unexplainable phenomena, just like religion. Ghosts are simply a concept thought of by the imperfect human mind to explain things that are otherwise unexplainable. The ideas of ghosts have radically changed since the conception of the original ghost. Many authors and other famous people throughout history have contributed to these myths of phantasmagoric proportions. Society as a whole is deluded to the realms of insecurity regarding the very existence of ghosts. Many will simply say yes or no, without reason or motive, just to conform to what the majority feels is the right answer, ignoring personal beliefs.