Loneliness

i wrote this a long time ago and forgot about it.
sooo here it is

i dont know why. it seems that i can escape from the pain and prison of my mind for temporary timeshifts but in the end, and often short, i wind up in a cell of my own creation, something, somewhere i wish i didnt know. i live in this place, i infrequently am relieved of this persecution, but of course, it isnt total and complete. it is always separated with strings attached. more like rubber ropes than strings, for they yank me back. i dont know why i have been so absorbed into my introspective world of which no one can enter. i dont know how to escape. i feel trapped inside my head. my words seem to be my only release, like soemone is being held hostage inside me, but that someone is Happiness. i want him free, but he is resolved to living in solitude, and this i cannot change. i am the prison on the rock of my life, surrounded by murky waters of mistrust and malcontent, the razor-wire fences of my own impious actions surround me before the hate ever grabs control. once or twice i have slipped out of the fence, but as always, the ebb and flow of that sea of despair washes the sands of longing into an ever tidal crescendo of my own imminent doom. i dont know how long i can stay locked away within myself. just seeing her face brought it back. jsut opening my eyes brought it all back. just closing my eyes, and seeing their faces tattooed onto the backs of my eyelids burn a hole in my retina, making me wish i was blind, deaf, and dumb.